Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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