Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
