Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
