the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
is that a dick in a sweater?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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