period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
