Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
