He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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