The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
