Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
