Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
