Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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