pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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