I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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