he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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