Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
