Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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