Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
