you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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