i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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