last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
