Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
