I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
