broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think a kid would responsible me up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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