you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
