He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
