Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
