I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think i have two assholes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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