its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
