I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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