At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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