Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
