What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
