My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
honey bunches of taint.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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