her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
