Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
