I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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