i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
