I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
