i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
