Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
