everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
