GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's shark week go big or go home
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
