we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Pants are for mortals
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
