I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
