I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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