So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
