Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
