I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
