ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
