Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
